The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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