i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
