you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
