i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
