in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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