Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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