Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
