So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
