im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this just has baby written all over it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
