He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
