Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
