i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize