i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
