so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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