Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
