I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
