Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would ride that face into the sunset
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
