her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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