I will die if light touches me.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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