dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
