I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
