Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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