I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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