mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize