You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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