I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
