Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I want to fling myself into the sun
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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