i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
