i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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