Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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