do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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