Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize