I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
