I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
