I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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