i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
