You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
