Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize