Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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