you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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