That's intense
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize