Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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