Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Redeem this text for a blowjob
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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