Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
