Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
