a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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