Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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