Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
did i walk over a car last night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
