marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize