did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
