someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
