After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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