That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize