you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
