OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
