u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize