my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
