Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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