Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
