Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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