you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
even my farts smell like vagina
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
