It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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