I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
