I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
