i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
