3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
