i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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