I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
