I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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