I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize