his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
