Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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