is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
