im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize