he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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