dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
