how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
