He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
