In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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