Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
