My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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