brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize