Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize