Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
