She said her name was "party"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
