what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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