a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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