17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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