Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
