Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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