So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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