dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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