I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
