She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
