i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
home. puking in laundry basket.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
