you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
