So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
