i love accidental penises.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
