I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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