Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
