it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize