Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
