i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
