i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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