I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
