i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hippo gnu deer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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