I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
