i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
