your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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