the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
