question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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