jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
