3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
