pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
