You work out of a Hotel?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
