I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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