You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
