i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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