i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
