then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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