hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
