I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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