I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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