you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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